I thought being at home might entail having more time to sit and write down my thoughts, but it's turned out that's not the case.
I'm actually not too surprised. Life seems to somehow pick up right where it left off. So consumed by everything here and almost all things that center around myself.
In just the course of this week, I've spent most of my time putting together my life here in Denver. An activity that centers itself on me, giving me a somewhat sick feeling in my stomach as I pursue so many things out my own interests.
The activities I've participated in create a long list of inward focused things: concerts, movies, trips to the park, target runs, dinner dates and so on. Even blogging now seems self-centered. Is this not getting a bit absurd?
I can't tell you how frustrated I've been over the past few weeks. I want to enjoy things like hiking and I fully believe God also wants me to enjoy these things. Now if I could just enjoy them! Easier said than done, but it's something I am desperately working on.
I think God has in many ways made my heart sensitive to how I utilize my time, but I also think he longs for me to embrace the beautiful blessings he's put in my life- and now this is me working to find a middle ground. Any advice is welcome!
It's just a strange transition. I've gone from being in a place that allows me, in very obvious ways, to serve others all the time. As I've come back to a world were people often hide their needs, I suppose out of fear that they will appear inadequate, makes it a lot harder to pinpoint ways to help those around me.
It has become an active prayer of mine that God will open my eyes to the needs and hurts in my community- small or big. I want to be aware of where I can pour out God's love, and I think that's something I need to constantly ask God to reveal to me. Open my eyes to world around me that I might share your love to all by meeting even the simplest of needs.
All of this to say, my aim today is: to ask God to open my eyes, to look for opportunities that God allows and to step forward in action enabling God to demonstrate his love through me.